If Z is living through a state of affairs, then everyone except Z will claim to have the best understanding of the situation, the best plausible solution, the best possible list of alternatives to that solution, and even the best course of action to recover from circumstantial damage whatsoever, if any.
This default tendency of human behaviour has been normalised to the point where we have almost convinced ourselves that this is everybody else, not me.
Since 2020 has made us all a pro at breaking the chain, or so I choose to believe, let’s break this chain of thoughts. Let’s check ourselves every single time our mind wanders down the rabbit hole of unsolicited questions and suggestions.
Why not talk about our contribution to a certain situation?
Why not ask, “what could I have done differently? What can I do differently in the future?”
Why not gather the wisdom and courage to take responsibility for every situation in our own lives?
Mind you, I mean “take responsibility“, and NOT “self-blame”. There is a very distinct difference between “accepting responsibility for our thoughts, words, and deeds”; and thinking, “it’s all my fault”. Thinking it to be our fault implies that we consider our thoughts and actions to be mistakes in the first place, which may be completely untrue in several circumstances. Accepting responsibility, on the other hand, implies we are aware of the consequences of our actions, however unintended they were, and are truly willing to make up for everything.
Acknowledging the difference between “I take responsibility for only my part in this” and “It’s my fault” can lead to great clarity of our understanding of the entire situation, as well as of our own place in the particular state of affairs, no matter how difficult or how flattering it may be.
Willing to put our name to only what we have thought, said, and acted upon; to only how we may have led to the present situation; helps us remain modest about our achievements and grateful to everyone who sees us through this intriguing maze of life. Most significantly, it gives us the strength to sincerely apologise for any mistake on our part to our nearest and dearest. We no longer feel the need to keep throwing around the word sorry without even meaning it only to get away from difficult conversations. When we have a clear head about what is a mistake and what isn’t, when we admit to ourselves for a fact what is our mistake and what is not, every time we say sorry, we actually are sorry and we mean to make amends. The integrity and authenticity this brings are for us to treasure.
In a parallel conversation, the moment we hold ourselves accountable for our own actions, we develop an unbreakable shield against gas-lighting, and any and every unfair accusation to our name. We even stop participating in any form of toxic to and fro blame games in every space of our lives. Being cautiously alert to our own contribution to everything that happens, gives us an unparalleled sense of freedom from being bothered a bit by others’ opinion polls, or even by random social media updates and posts for that matter. That in itself is a powerful place to be in.
With time, we find a rock-solid ground to let go of everything that is not controlled by the neurons firing in our body. Such deepened self-awareness forms the foundation of making little changes in whatever is really in our control; and recognizing everything else just as it is, everyone else just as they are.
The words to be re-iterated here is “recognize everything and everyone in their originality”. Recognize. Even with or without a peaceful, happy acceptance, or allowance in our own lives, simply recognize as is.
Do you see the priceless moments of peace in life that follows one tiny little act of looking inside our own minds first?
So, what do you think about it?
Let’s consciously decide to turn the lens inwards, shall we?